“Call my name and I will be there.”
That husky voice resounded again and again in her ears. She quickened her pace along the quiet corridor. She never believed in ghosts or stuff like that, but this woman, the woman who had come out of the blue in front of her office just a while ago, somehow raised the hair on the back of her neck.
She vanished just like that when turning to the left, to the empty corridor she now was walking along with a paralyzing fear.
She didn’t even have the time to ask questions . Her body was stiff and her heart pounding fast out of extreme fear. Yet she managed to settle in her car and quickly pulled off to the busy traffic.
It was almost after half an hour drive when something suddenly caught her sight in the rearview mirror. She turned her head to the passsenger seat and her eyes widened with horror. There she was, sitting in the seat with her black eyes piercing through hers.
“Hello,” she whispered.
Then what she heard next was a loud crash of her Mercedes car hitting something in front, and she fell into a seemingly endless darkness . . .
Opo iki? Pengalaman saya? Bukaaan! Ini adalah contoh cerita narasi yang saya buat dalam waktu 7- 10 menit untuk murid saya kemarin. Murid saya ini sedang mengambil kursus privat Academic Writing. Setiap selasa sore dia datang ke kantor saya jam 5 petang dan saya akan mengajarnya sampai jam 6.30 petang.
Nah, kalau bikin cerita ya harus begitu itu. Pertama, mulailah dengan sepenggal kalimat yang menarik, menumbulkan rasa penasaran, atau kengerian. Yang kedua, racik kata-kata yang mampu memunculkan bayangan yang hidup di benak pembaca. Kata-kata di cerita di atas seperti “paralyzing fear”, “quickened”, dan “piercing” adalah kata-kata yang mampu menimbulkan kesan daramatis. Semakin dramatis dan hidup bayangan yang ditimbulkan di benak pembaca, semakin bagus cerita tersebut.
Nah, murid saya menulis versinya sendiri di bawah ini:
I could hear the ferocious beating of my heart. Beads of sweat trickled down my chin. I must continue running or the giant behind would feast on me. Boom. Boom. Boom. I heard the footsteps of the giant creature. I kept on running though my legs could run no more. I could feel the presence of the giant, coming closer and closer by the second. I scanned my surroundings, looking for a place to hide knowing that I would not be able to outrun him. I see a pool of water a few meters away and dashed straight to it. I submerged myself as the giant came to view.
“FEE FI FO FUM, I CAN SMELL THE FEAR INSIDE YOUR HEART. YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN’T HIDE!” the giant snarled.
The earth around me rumbled as the giant stepped into the water. Then I saw his gigantic feet hovering above me. My heart sank as the feet came closer to me. I closed my eyes and “Boom!”The giant’s feet landed inches from my head. The giant left the pool and entered the thick swamp ahead. I emerged from the murky pool and thought; I must find the queen and save her before it’s too late.
I dashed through the thick vines and trees and the figure of a gigantic hut was at the horizon. I climbed through the window and realised that it was the giant’s lair.
“My Queen, Where are you?”I shouted.
“I’m here, help me!”A voice replied.
I searched the house and found the queen inside a cage next to a frying pan and spices. Then I heard the footsteps of the giant.
“Stay here and don’t be afraid.”I whispered
The giant entered the kitchen and eyed the queen “I WILL EAT YOU FOR DINNER!”
The red and cold eyes bore to its meal. He approached the cage and unlocked the door. I took a deep breath and positioned the humongous knife above his head. With that, I leaped and I could hear the sound of tearing flesh as the knife pierced through his skull. Boom, the giant fell to the ground, dead. I grabbed the queen and ran towards the ship and escaped the island.
Nah, versinya bagus juga ya? Unsur pencipta ketegangan sudah ada disitu, dan dia sudah relatif mampu membuat penggambaran yang hidup dari karakter si raksasa itu. Perhatikan kata-kata sifat seperti “gigantic”, “beads of sweat trickled down my chin”, “humongous” dsb yang mampu menghidupkan suasana dalam ceritanya. Tata bahasanya juga sudah sangat bagus. Mungkin Anda penasaran: umur berapa sih murid saya ini? Nah, saya beritahu ya? Umurnya 14 tahun! Baru SMP kelas 3. Hahahaha! Keren ya?
Aneh juga ya kenapa kami berdua spontan membuat cerita yang hampir sama: dikejar-kejar makhluk mengerikan. Bedanya, saya dikejar wanita, dia dikejar raksasa tapi tetap bisa menyelamatkan wanita.