Tired. Bored. Restless. . . .
I wish I could be a hollow man. See that movie starring Kevin Bacon? He made himself disappear and then he slips in and out of his colleagues’ private lives undetected.
But, no, to be a hollow man is hard. You gotta go through a lot of pain to make yourself vanish from sight. So I change my mind. Now I wish I could transform myself into someone else: a beggar, a punk, a very old woman, someone not as outstanding as a professor, someone that you hardly notice, someone very ordinary. . . .
Once I change my appearance, I’d go out of my comfortable zone, and start going to parts of the world which I have never dared to venture on in my original identity. I’d go to slum areas, I’d watch homeless people struggle to get by from day to day, subsisting on meager supply of food and water; I’d sit at the canteen and hear students say bad things about their lecturers and their campus, I’d go to a center and listen to my lover talking about me with her friends.
If only I could do that.
Sarasehan is coming. So what? Have lost interest in that kind of gathering. I just want to climb up a high mountain and sleep there all by myself befriending cold wind in a high altitude. . . .