Weary Head

Posted on July 27, 2011


There are times when you sit alone and begin thinking about the relationships with some people in your life. There may be few close friends, few close acquaintances, and those with whom you relate in a very special bond. Then you begin running some kind of evaluation about the quality of the relationships. You begin forming conclusions of who do their best to make you happy and respected, and who seem unable to stop hurting you.

You become a little bit surprised to see than even those in that special bond with you sometimes inflict emotional damage on you. The hurting becomes even more painful because at the same time you realize that it is committed by people who you care about and claim to care about you as well.

Then you begin having this doubt slowly creeping in your mind like a menacing ghost appearing at the corner: “what does all the care mean, if by the end of the day we end up quarreling?”.

Then you wake up and live the next days to patch up that somewhat broken relationships, only to find that in the following weeks conflicts arise again and you get sullen again over the aftermath.

Deep inside you believe that caring, expressed in a wrong way, may mean that you care more about yourself than about the other person. The offence committed by those who are very close to you feels more damaging than by those in more distant relationships

Finally you are tired of all of this and, this time with strong determination, you reconsider all the things between you and those closest persons and finally forming the conclusion that this is all wrong. . . . You have wrong expectation, you read each other’s minds wrongly, you behave wrongly, you say wrong things, and you make up with him or her in a wrong way, because then you get into similar conflicts again and again.

Then you are confronted with two options. Two options only, first is forgiving all the bad things and starting the relationships with much better understanding and tolerance, and second is to leave silently . . .

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